Love

February is supposed to be considered the month of love and heart disease awareness. Somehow I have missed this theme and given the month a new perspective.
The entire month of February I have been dwelling my thoughts on how I don't want to be at this stage in my life. I am still struggling to accept the destiny of why am I here at this college. This stage has been eventful and makes me ponder quite often more often than it should about choices. Personal choices that I have made that have impacted relationship[s with others and God. My relationship with God has taken a turn towards the nonchalant ah i know he is there but not really involving him in my life anymore. I have made choices that i know are supposed to be beneficial to my future and education that have instead left me feeling discouraged and more empty and alone. I know that this is one of the ways that Satan uses to undermine our confidence on Christ. In christ alone my hope is found he is my rock... so the song goes but sometimes you really just need to break down and cry out to him and be apologetic for not viewing him as your rock. I have experianced that feeling of helpless and just needing the Lords comforting hand. My recent revelation on life is that despite not wanting to be here and hating it, i realized how can i make those around me better how can i see their need and help them. Helping others is a gift to not only them but also i have found it make me feel good as well. Talk about a win win. So i would like to challenge you whomever you are when you feel like life sucks just find someone else that looks like their day hasnt gone their way and do something special for them. Making the best of every situation will help you in the end to find that sense of joy and fullfilment. Today I implimented this idea and bought my friend her favorite juice because she looked like she had a bad day. Considerateness is just as important as kindness, its like kindness in action. I hope this helps who ever reads this. Just my Perspective.

Waiting wondering

Here I am first week done at school, and all i can think about in my free time is the ever looming question of why. WHY AM I BACK HERE. I really don't see the purpose of being at school when I hate it here always have always will. education for the field I want to go into is useless since Journalism is a dyeing industry. All the time while sitting in class I hear oh eventually the internet will replace paper newspapers. Which is what I want to do so useless when I go to class and get my dream job shot down daily. That's why I am here and even that is a waste of time and money. I really have no idea why I am still here. I know i have previously written about Gods plan for my life and how there must be a reason why i am here. Still I wonder when that plan will be revealed and if I should stay here. I understand to some degree how the old testament prophets must have felt, trusting God for greatness to be revealed but waiting amid persecution for what would happen. Patience is a lesson I am continuing to learn. 

Wilderness wanderings

In the bible there is a time where the people spent about 40 years wandering around the wilderness because of their inability to trust God and his plan. I am beginning to think that maybe that wasn't a terrible thing to wander the wilderness it gave the Israelite s a new found appreciation for the provisions that God had provided them with and allowed them to learn from their trust mistakes of the past to grow closer literally in their walk with the Lord. I found myself doing my own version of a wilderness walk today when I took my dog to the park. it was a brisk afternoon and I just needed some fresh perspective on life situations. as I strolled around the lake and reflected about the upcoming semester I realized that my life is going nowhere. I thought I had an idea a game plan but ulitematly I have no idea what I'm doing in life. I ascended the steps up the hill and perched myself upon the bench overlooking the lake and thought this is beautiful. The sun rays were shimmering across the half frozen pond and peace was surrounding the area. Quiet time to reflect and think about how hectic I make my life be. Really the simple times are the times that i value the most when I am home and just truly genuinely relaxing. Doesn't get any better than that. Most of my life I am always being shuffled here and there being told to do this or that and really why what is the rush there are 24 hours in a day. Twenty-four. that's plenty of time to accomplish what needs to be done and then still have time to relax and hear Gods voice talk to me. Quiet times is when He speaks the loudest, when you allow Him the time work will get done. So relax and rest in the Lord.

Update on life...end of semester

Back in august i wrote about my year so far and I am glad to say that even as finals are approaching im still learning reliance and boldness for God. Over thanksgiving i had my wisdom teeth removed and so i had way more time to sit and do nothing than a person ever should have and i did just that i thought about life. Reflection abut how my life has been going and meditation about where god is calling me to do with my life. I considered getting baptized by felt that God was telling me to wait and to get baptized in a more personal setting that a dunk and go at campus church. For the past 2 weeks god has been working on me through other people I am continuing to learn daily the importance of living up to the potential and using the gifts that God has blessed me with to help others. You know its a God thing when relationships with friends go weird and the Lord blesses you with understanding and self control not to snap back and them and to just understand that stress affect others differently. I realized that being a woman of god is hard work and many people wont understand at first why I am striving to grow in my faith with god at first but eventually it will become evident and honestly I know that the lesson of making my faith MY own is the best thing i ever could have learned this past summer. Lately i will admit i have struggled with consistent closeness to God and have slacked in perusing him like i should but I am learning throughout this experience that the best thing about God is he is always there.  I recently realized that talking to others who have a strong sound relationship with God is a blessing and I really have come to enjoy talking with them about Godly things and how he is at work in my life. He is at work even if we don't understand and give Him the credit he deserves he is still doing wondrous things in our lives. I was asked the other day if i would ever consider taking a step in leadership and it really struck me as surprising because I had been feeling the Lord telling me step out and become bold for me and I will carry you through it like he did to Moses. Then later in the week another person asked me the same thing. I gave my excuses as to why i felt this wasn't my time to step up but really when i reflect back i think fear of judgement might be what held me back from taking that leap of faith and saying yes i will go step up and lead. Since then i have been praying about this and have had strange dreams about being in a position of authority over younger believers weird but not going to over analyze that, who knows maybe God is planting the seed in me to step up for Him. Who knows what God has in plan for me I know im waiting and honestly excited to see where God is leading me.  

Free

Have you ever wondered why life has turned out the way that it has? Why you ever made the choices that you have made?  A couple weeks back i was having a discussion with my friend about the issue of weather or not there really is such a thing as free will. I happen to believe in God and his ability to govern the world and through the use of the holy spirit interact with us. Gods will for our lives can seem confusing and can really make you question a lot of things in life. I often wonder if the choices i make day to day are really the correct choices and if i am really using my time and my life effectively. I know that ultimately  God will make all things work together for his good and in turn my own good, because he knows far more than i ever will about choices and their consequences. So ultimately why wonder at all about anything if its all going to work out in the end? 

Celebrations

Here it is almost time for the holidays to happen. The stores have been decorated for weeks and the people are beginning to rush the stores like they are giving away merchandise. Its a bit crazy how insane people get over shopping for that perfect gift for their loved ones, like the person is really going to love you less if they don't like the gift you got them. please... that's just pathetic. I was thinking about this the other day about holidays, that's just it holiDAYs, a Holiday is just one day of the year. Why do people put forth such an extreme effort and go crazy over just another day out of the 365? What makes a day any more special than the next day. All of the anticipation and eager waiting for that day and then in a few hours poof its passed until next year. I think that maybe the reason people all over the world love holidays is because everyone deep down is looking for the good in the world and needs something to celebrate and feel glad about even if its just for a day. Don't be mistaken I understand that there are valid holidays that are for significant events that happened in history that need to be commemorated for the sake of the future generations to never forget, but also we all know about the commercialized holidays that are just a scam for stores to make an extra income by marketing scams. So my challange for you is to evaluate what your celebrating and why it is important for you specfically to celebrate it. If you cant think of why it is important to you then why are you celebrating it? 

Words take 2

OK here it is I know I am way late on writing this thought down but it happens to the best of us life takes it course and we all become preoccupied with other things.

WORDS. Have you ever thought about where language originated and who got the credit for being the person to speak the title of something into existence. Who decided what words would be said and what they would mean? Whomever that person or persons was must have really been a respected citizen and must have really been a valuable asset to that community. I have heard over the years that some people create their own language for fun and I have often wondered is that how language began? Did someone just sit down and think this needs a name and I think I will take it upon myself to name it and why would the rest of the civilization agree upon that name for that object and spread that globally? Just a thought I had a few weeks ago. I know that in the bible the tower of babel was the deciding moment that the languages split and the people had to split up by what they spoke. Also I know that in the beginning God spoke everything into existence. So my question is could Adam and eve speak and write when they were created, did they have a language that we would still recognize today? Or did they just merely communicate with God subconsciously, and never have a reason to verbally speak. Think about word choice when you speak why do we use the words we use, is it simply to convey a message or is there a bigger reason behind our selection of words that we might never fully understand.