Update on life...end of semester

Back in august i wrote about my year so far and I am glad to say that even as finals are approaching im still learning reliance and boldness for God. Over thanksgiving i had my wisdom teeth removed and so i had way more time to sit and do nothing than a person ever should have and i did just that i thought about life. Reflection abut how my life has been going and meditation about where god is calling me to do with my life. I considered getting baptized by felt that God was telling me to wait and to get baptized in a more personal setting that a dunk and go at campus church. For the past 2 weeks god has been working on me through other people I am continuing to learn daily the importance of living up to the potential and using the gifts that God has blessed me with to help others. You know its a God thing when relationships with friends go weird and the Lord blesses you with understanding and self control not to snap back and them and to just understand that stress affect others differently. I realized that being a woman of god is hard work and many people wont understand at first why I am striving to grow in my faith with god at first but eventually it will become evident and honestly I know that the lesson of making my faith MY own is the best thing i ever could have learned this past summer. Lately i will admit i have struggled with consistent closeness to God and have slacked in perusing him like i should but I am learning throughout this experience that the best thing about God is he is always there.  I recently realized that talking to others who have a strong sound relationship with God is a blessing and I really have come to enjoy talking with them about Godly things and how he is at work in my life. He is at work even if we don't understand and give Him the credit he deserves he is still doing wondrous things in our lives. I was asked the other day if i would ever consider taking a step in leadership and it really struck me as surprising because I had been feeling the Lord telling me step out and become bold for me and I will carry you through it like he did to Moses. Then later in the week another person asked me the same thing. I gave my excuses as to why i felt this wasn't my time to step up but really when i reflect back i think fear of judgement might be what held me back from taking that leap of faith and saying yes i will go step up and lead. Since then i have been praying about this and have had strange dreams about being in a position of authority over younger believers weird but not going to over analyze that, who knows maybe God is planting the seed in me to step up for Him. Who knows what God has in plan for me I know im waiting and honestly excited to see where God is leading me.  

Free

Have you ever wondered why life has turned out the way that it has? Why you ever made the choices that you have made?  A couple weeks back i was having a discussion with my friend about the issue of weather or not there really is such a thing as free will. I happen to believe in God and his ability to govern the world and through the use of the holy spirit interact with us. Gods will for our lives can seem confusing and can really make you question a lot of things in life. I often wonder if the choices i make day to day are really the correct choices and if i am really using my time and my life effectively. I know that ultimately  God will make all things work together for his good and in turn my own good, because he knows far more than i ever will about choices and their consequences. So ultimately why wonder at all about anything if its all going to work out in the end? 

Celebrations

Here it is almost time for the holidays to happen. The stores have been decorated for weeks and the people are beginning to rush the stores like they are giving away merchandise. Its a bit crazy how insane people get over shopping for that perfect gift for their loved ones, like the person is really going to love you less if they don't like the gift you got them. please... that's just pathetic. I was thinking about this the other day about holidays, that's just it holiDAYs, a Holiday is just one day of the year. Why do people put forth such an extreme effort and go crazy over just another day out of the 365? What makes a day any more special than the next day. All of the anticipation and eager waiting for that day and then in a few hours poof its passed until next year. I think that maybe the reason people all over the world love holidays is because everyone deep down is looking for the good in the world and needs something to celebrate and feel glad about even if its just for a day. Don't be mistaken I understand that there are valid holidays that are for significant events that happened in history that need to be commemorated for the sake of the future generations to never forget, but also we all know about the commercialized holidays that are just a scam for stores to make an extra income by marketing scams. So my challange for you is to evaluate what your celebrating and why it is important for you specfically to celebrate it. If you cant think of why it is important to you then why are you celebrating it? 

Words take 2

OK here it is I know I am way late on writing this thought down but it happens to the best of us life takes it course and we all become preoccupied with other things.

WORDS. Have you ever thought about where language originated and who got the credit for being the person to speak the title of something into existence. Who decided what words would be said and what they would mean? Whomever that person or persons was must have really been a respected citizen and must have really been a valuable asset to that community. I have heard over the years that some people create their own language for fun and I have often wondered is that how language began? Did someone just sit down and think this needs a name and I think I will take it upon myself to name it and why would the rest of the civilization agree upon that name for that object and spread that globally? Just a thought I had a few weeks ago. I know that in the bible the tower of babel was the deciding moment that the languages split and the people had to split up by what they spoke. Also I know that in the beginning God spoke everything into existence. So my question is could Adam and eve speak and write when they were created, did they have a language that we would still recognize today? Or did they just merely communicate with God subconsciously, and never have a reason to verbally speak. Think about word choice when you speak why do we use the words we use, is it simply to convey a message or is there a bigger reason behind our selection of words that we might never fully understand.

Words

Thoughts swarmed around my head like a car on a track,
always moving never slowing down for fear of breaking.
Damage could be done that would be irreplaceable
and to think that for a mere moment in time everything used to be fine.

The slow paced days of old have wilted and like the leaves on the trees fallen. As a leaf falls so does a chapter in ones life, or so I thought until around 2 months ago.

Ever have a day where everything in life confuses you and you just cant seem to remember which way is up or how things used to be? About 2 months ago I had one of those days. It was a brisk fall afternoon, when life spiraled into a direction that is terribly hard to get out of. I learned something about a very dear friend of mine that I'm not sure if I will ever be able to forget. How to move forward when the ghost of the past is ever present at every turn in the road? The logical first response was to pray about the situation, well I did and now the situation has completely changed but for the better none can judge. I find myself at a crossroads of sorts, turn down a street that I know every bump and speed limit or to take the highway and speed off onto a new unknown road. Fear or doubt or inability to forget that which I have known has placed me in this spot. As I gaze out my window at the melody of fall painted trees I reminisce about Fall's forgotten. Seasons for trees are unique in that unlike a flower that withers and dies instantly, trees express color and then fall to their crunchy death. Trees also have the stability of being evergreens and always staying put rooted and strong. I wish I were more like the evergreen and didn't change color's with the seasons and never fell to the cold times , but alas the season of my life is changing and I must decide weather to bundle up for the winter and bear the hard times and challenges of this action or to fall and fade into the ground and take the easy path that I know quite well.

I did not forsee this post going in this direction so there will be a part 2 when my head is cleared out.

Learning Take Two

So I accidentaly wrote that entire last post in Aramaic whoops. But anyway still in the process of learning what God has planned for my life. I really do believe that God has a plan and a purpose for everything in life and that in His timing he will reveal that to us. In the meanwhile we are left to go through life living our lives in questioning of what Gods will for our lives really is and if we are or are not making the correct choices. This idea of time has really been big in my life this past week. 24hrs in a day. A simple statement but yet somehow I cant seem to remember what I do with that time. Sleep consumes over half of that time and eating attributes to that total but really what I am slowly beginning to figure out is that where you place your time is on what you truly value. A preacher once said what we spend time thinking about the most is our god. That got me thinking is what i think about really God all the time, is he really the center of my life? This past week i have learned more than i ever thought i could about myself and relationships with others and God. People tell me i think too much about life but i don't quite know if i believe that statement. If you never think about life then how do you know what your going to do, or how to react, or why you even do what you do? How do you know who you are if you don't take time to think about life's situations and in thinking also consulting with God. I might think a lot but that is better than the opposite of not even thinking at all right? The Lord has really been teaching me a lesson this year at college, it might not be anything academic but I am still being taught way more valuable lessons than my tuition money can afford. In the bible, the people of the day used to refer to Jesus as rabbi or teacher. I really agree with that title of Jesus as the teacher, because Gods lessons in life might take longer to fully comprehend but they are always the best lessons you will ever learn. I am learning about friendships, relationships, and balancing time between both of them while squeezing in academics. How much effort is really necessary to devote to a good quality friendship and encouraging them in the Lord? Should that really have a time clock on it? I really wish I knew the answer but I don't and that is what I wonder about often. As for relationships, my walk with God is more important to me personally than having a guy to hang out with and to care about. Don't take that the wrong way I do not want to become a nun. Heck no! But I believe that a good foundational relationship should be rooted in Gods word and helping each other grow up in the Lord by encouraging them and actually talking about what God is doing in their lives. Fellowship according to Websters means companionship, company or a community of interest, activity, feeling, or experience, or the quality or state of being comradely. I think that fellowship among believers is extremely important and that being apart of regularly going to a church is a great way to develop closeness and create those opportunity's to fellowship because when friends connect upon that close spiritual level they really do grow closer; both as friends and closer to God. Well I will write more about this later as time progresses.

Learning

At one point everyone has had one of those days where you have taken a step back and realized under the pressure of the everyday life that you find yourself laughing to the point of weeping at how your life has turned out?  I sure have, times like this when an unexpected curve ball gets thrown at you and you find yourself can honestly barely stand and find it hard to carry onward. You begin to realize how serious the world really is and you fight onward depending on the inner strength you didn't know you even had.
TO BE CONTINUED TRANSLATING LATER


i grew up going to church

Update on Life

Busy life, back to the hustle and bustle of school work. Now I'm sitting in economics class and don't even understand what this guy is saying cause he is Chinese so I figured I might as well take some time to write down what has been going on in my life. It has been almost 2 weeks since I last attempted to write. Since then I have begun my sophomore year of college and am slowly adapting to the chaotic lifestyle of dorm living with 70 other girls. If there is one thing I am beginning to learn is that people come from all walks of life and you just never realize how strange some people are until you take the time to sit down in a room and get to know them. Seriously there are some strange people on my hall this year, but I believe that everything happens for a reason. This past week has been full of challenges and adjustments; finding classes, fixing schedules and trying to fit in time for God and exercise. I went to Blue Ridge church this past Sunday and it just so happened to be their baptism service. I have felt the Lord calling me to get baptised all summer but have never found the time to get dunked. This year I definitely want to get baptized no more shame and fear of hypocrisy. Also this week I attended a mission trip meeting. Never would I ever consider going anywhere, I don't even like vacations, but the Lord was calling me and tugging at my heart to consider going on a trip and just be bold for Him. As luck would have it Tuesday night we have required Prayer Groups, so I went to my group and realized that my leader is a super missionary. She spent the past 2 years just trusting God and traveling the world spreading His love. Could be a coincidence but I believe this is Gods way of telling me just do it, just go, just fully commit to trusting me. So Ethiopia, is where I believe God is calling me to go next summer. Share Gods love with orphans through playing sports, and just bonding with them. Last year, I learned reliance upon God and how to depend on Him for everything because He will ever abandon me. This year I believe I am learning to trust and step out for Him and allow His will for my life to happen.

Back to blahh

Well its that time of year again, children eagerly grabbing their backpacks and the squeeking of new shoes echoing down the halls. The return to school, a time of year that parents love and kids hate. Back to learning and order and homework. The positives of going back to school are getting to see those friends that you havnt seen and learning new things along the way. New experiances that will mold the character and test the determination and perseverance of all those that are still working on their education. As a child I loved going to school and getting to hang out with all my friends again and even the learning part wasnt all that bad because it was something to do. Now that I am old and maybe been hardened with age I dont enjoy learning the passion for learning has evaporated along the way. It still is a great joy in getting to see my friends and get caught up on life, but for the most part it is really not a joy sitting around waiting to learn.

Literary Enchantment

Many people claim they hate reading. If thats the case then can anyone explain to me this, if reading is as wretched as people make it sound, then why are there so many movies that are based off of books? The greatest complament an author can recieve is that someone wants to make their story come alive by creating it into a movie. Movies have broadened the audience that books alone could never have reached. If you think about the great top selling movies, Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Twilight, all of them are based off of books that great authors have written. The ability to write and captivate people to the point of consumption and indulge them fully into the story to the point where they feel for the characters destiny, is a talent that most film directors cant quite grasp. Because peoples imaginations cant be displayed no matter how much money is spent on the film. Your imagination is Priceless. Even with the sudden crazy in making Marvel superhero movies, lets face it comic books are still books. And what everyone has been thinking is why in the world would they remake spiderman (again)? Ah i just dont know... anyways I love to read and think all people should pick books for themselves before sterotyping all books as borring just because teachers pick bad books. If you go to the bookstore and look around you really will be amazed at all the vast selections they have. I know my mind was blown when i was in the bookstore the other night, people actually go there for leisure and spend hours there. Yeah the thoought did cross my mind that maybe they are super cheap and wont buy the book so they just loiter and read it there. But for the most part people looked like they were enjoying the books, not just the coffee :) So i guess what im saying is that dont judge a book by a crappy movie and if you hate to read then why are you reading my blog? Is this a waste of time maybe ha just maybe. But like me, authors write some good things sometimes so why not give them a chance. Go buy a book!

Biblical Bank

I am thoroughly convinced that if you make time for Gods will to have a chance at happening in your life that He will bless your life. Bless it more than you ever could have fathomed it becoming what God intended it to be. When you surrender to His plan above your own selfish desires, your allowing yourself to be open for His hands to use you for the greater good. Yes I know greater good sounds cheesy and I think superhero when i hear that phrase. I guess watching Captain America didn't help any lol

But for the past 4 weeks I have committed that I was eagerly gonna attend church and open my heart up to what the Lord is trying to teach me through the pastor. I learned about Lamenting in Lamentations, and the power that comes from open expressions of emotions to God. I learned about Gods strength in Ezekiel, and the sovereignty of God. I was amazed at the countless instances where the Bible talks about the Word of the Lord bringing life into things. Just this past weekend I learned a new view on Daniel. The basic Bible story of the fiery furnace struck home. My pastor said that the theme of Daniel is God's in charge. If you think about it that should be the theme of our lives also. God's in charge! What can we possibly justify worrying about when Gods plan is aligned with our plans?

Now what  I don't want you to think is that I'm saying is I believe in Karma. Because I do not. I believe in God providing for those who trust and place their faith in Him and in Him alone. This past year I personally have experienced countless times where I just had to say OK Lord I trust in what your doing with my life. And let me tell you for the most part my life has turned out better than it would have had I not trusted God. An example that I can think of is, sometimes I worry way too much about money and not making enough. But when I start to think  about that I simply just take a step back and remind myself God has reasons for why I run out of money, and He always provides for me. even in those times where I think I'm a useless bum in society. He uses others to show me no there is a reason for every situation in life. sometimes we as mere people can't understand why things happen until later in life when we look back and can directly see Gods hand at work.

So next time your thinking about what your gonna do in a sticky situation, bank on God. He is the only place where we can store our trust and reliability.

Personal interest

At first glance the title of this post sounds like a FBI term. Looking for persons of interest, but not quite what i am going to be writing about tonight. It became apparent the other night while chatting with a coworker about texting that most people don't have the time to call each other anymore. He told me that he prefers calling and talking on the phone with others. I replied yeah but what if they don't have time to talk? He gave me a puzzled look like what but they can text? I continued on defending my friends and texting until i realized that he was right. Why people cant take time to sit down and call someone to talk but they can take time to send a text i just don't know. People today are overworking themselves. Always constantly on the go, just take the stereotypical soccer mom image and that's basically Americans today. Always constantly running from here to there, seldom if ever taking the time to slow down and appreciate life. This past year, i learned the benefit of slowing down and taking appreciation of what is going on around me. The beauty of the trees in fall, the wonderful white cold texture of a fresh snowfall in the winter blanketing the world. The fresh crisp air after a major rainfall in the spring, and the beautiful orange color the sun turns as in sets in the summer night. I guess what I'm saying is it doesn't really make a difference if a person texts you or calls you all that matters is that they slow down and take an interest into your life. Enjoy your days, and call someone you haven't talked to in awhile ya never know could change their life.

Movies

So I was at work last night and suddenly i realized people get all fanatical about movies. Dress up in costumes, wait for hours, become obsessed. People tie most of their emotions fully into the outcome of the movie. how the characters ultimate fate plays out they allow to affect their own fate and how they react to the movie. If the character dies they cry. If they survive they cheer and laugh. Ever stop to wonder why our relationship with Christ is not more like the relationship with the movie? Why don't we as followers of Christ, become obsessed with Him to the point of telling everyone about Him? If a person can go all out for a movie premiere why cant they go all out for Christ the one who died for them? Just doesn't make sense to me. I would like to encourage all of you to take a good hard look into where your prioritys lie in life and where your heart really is at. As its written in Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

The Cycle of life

No not the Elton John song. People being born and people succumbing to death everyday all around the world. Crazy to think about. More to come on this topic later...
Alright here we go ready to dive into the vast ocean of mortality? Well I got to thinking about this gruesome topic when i discovered that my mother had to attend her uncles funeral on my birthday and would not be able to celebrate with me then. Everyday people die some from natural causes and others from murderers and suicide. Yes i do not consider suicide a natural cause of death, you can debate that later. Somewhere there is that crazy statistic about how people die i think every 3 seconds. But at the same time people are being born constantly all around the world, well except in China. People being born and people dieing simple subject. What the person does with their life in between that bracket is what really matters. How people chose to live their lives and what the become is all up to them. Destiny or fate is all in the same path of the will of God. Everything happens for a reason the cliche saying that everyone has heard well the reason is GOD WANTED IT THAT WAY, so please stop making excuses for a crappy life and just pray about it. Well i think I'm slowly dieing now, but aren't people always dieing everyday just a little bit. Always deteriorating to the grave. Morbid yes. Reality yes. Don't wanta hear it then ya should have stopped reading and continued on in delusional dream life.

Christmas

Yes I know what your thinking its July why is this titled Christmas. Well its not even Christmas in July, but still I was thinking about this today while standing around doing nothing at work. In between being burned by a popcorn machine and watching a guy wield a blow torch yes interesting sights at the movie theater, i got to thinking about holidays and thought of Christmas and the good old stereotype of Jews being the only people that go to the movies then. I thought why is it that people only take one day out of the year to remember Jesus birth? Can't you remember that everyday? Or better yet shouldn't you remember that event everyday? It would appear that most of the people that celebrate Christmas don't even know or take the time to significantly commemorate the birth of our savior. They merely just take the free day off and spend spend spend on all of those gifts that people really don't even need. Everyday anyone can remember the ultimate gift, ya really don't need a day off or to spend extreme amounts of money on useless gifts. Just something to think about when your doing nothing and getting paid for it.

Motivation

Maybe its a terrible idea to listen to Adele while chatting with a long lost close friend haha but it has its bright sides.
 I asked him what do you think about when life gets hectic?
 thats been the question i been dealing with recently


 what do you mean?


 like when your alone and life is finally surrounding you in silence and ya get to thinking about life what is the theme?wheres the purpose that drives you to get back up and keep on pushing along the path of dismal tough life


 honestly i dont really know I just have this feeling inside that I know things will get better and that everything that happenes is for a reason and it only gives me wisdom i really dont know what it is but one thing that does come into my head that helps put everything into perspective is my future family
 interesting. i bet ya never thought about that, i realized that in life most people need others to ask the hard questions because they themselves would otherwise never venture to face the reality of what they"re going through and what truely motivates them. And as a result of asking others the real questions of life perspective is given on my own life and i dont know i just came to realize that. so yeah


 so what drives you?


 my faith. as cheesey as that sounds lately i have realized thats all i really have in life, it never leaves me or ignores me or abandons me. always with me always supportive and understanding and full of wisdom i cant even tell you how many times i have actually found specfic verses in the bible that have helped me when i felt like life sucks and just hopeless. this summer i read through the entire book of psalms cover to cover and i realized that david's life wasnt fantastic either. he was choose by God but didnt live the dream life. there were times when he was lonly and depressed but found his comfort in God. so i figured i should also and being away at school really taught me that. I had no one down in virginia, but i had to surive and break down walls and let people in and trust them because i didnt have a safty net of my family. so that helped put life into perspective. so my faith drives me to continue on the path only God knows where that will take me.
So the question I want all of you to consider is what drives you?

Habits

Well I did it. I took the time to look at the list of goals that I had set for this summer, and I came to the conclusion that surprisingly I have actually accomplished 10/19 goals for this summer. The final 9 goals are still a work in progress but with a bit more determination I think anything is possible. "I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:14

Pslam and Habits

Well I finally did it, I completed reading the entire book of psalm. It only took me a little over a month, but the wisdom that I have gained from partaking in this immense undertaking I wouldn't trade for anything. Or the time back that it took me to study this book. That's right I said study, yes I am aware that one shouldn't be studying over the summer vacation but this was actually a joy to do. I despise academic studying really but this is like pleasure reading( reading a book for fun, not because its required) and I really obtained a lot of knowledge from this.  I think everyone should set goals in life. Having a clear purpose of something that you want to obtain is extremely beneficial to helping a person feel that sense of accomplish that most ambitious people desire. So what will your summer goals be? While camping last month, I wrote my goals down and since then I gotta be honest I haven't checked back at that list so I think I will and let ya know how I'm doing with my goals. Everyone needs accountability and finding an outlet for that either by writing or talking with someone you respect you will find if someones asking about it you are more likely to do it and continue to do it. A preacher once told me it takes about 7 weeks to create a habit.  What will you do in the next 7 weeks?

A mere observation

So I just got home from working a 6hr shift. Many people came and left while I was working without purchasing anything at all. That's fine but I do find it interesting the types of people that did purchase items at my concession stand. Usually people can be and most of the time are sterotyped; but when dealing with concessions ya never know whos going to walk up and drop like $30+ and then continue onward. I like the element of uncertanty, never knowing who might be next or what there going to want to buy. Most people in life have become very predictable, and no longer posess that special element of wow uniqueness. How many times if you were honest with yourself have you ever bought the same thing over and over and never ventured out to try anything new? This idea of trying new things carries over to all of lives endevors. If you think about it, how did you find out what you liked in the first place, wasn't it new the first time? Yes, and because of the adventurous side that dwells in all mankind, trying new things is often a thrilling experiance. So wheather its trying a new combo at the next concession stand you walk up to or trying a new ride at an amusement park or anything really just take the leap of faith and give it a shot. Whatever you try might just become your new favorite thing.

Death Knocks

Death knocks its cold pale hand against the window,
Seeping through amidst the draft of the gentle breeze
to clench its next victim.
Lying unsuspecting in the cradle of life
robbed of the calm air rhythmically pulsing in and out
of lungs white as the snow that lie beneath the window.
Blood rushing like water on the titanic,
swells and swirls amidst the preexisting swirls
that once were vivid with life
now circumference the mechanism of life
slowly choked out by the cold pale hand itself.

 This is a poem that I wrote after awakening from a terrible nightmare. In my dream the hand of death snatched y beloved sister. Once I realized it was just a mere dream, not reality I was inspire to write. Lately this idea of how death snatched the unsuspecting through tragic occurrences has hit home. Many people experience loss of a loved one, and the way that people handle loss varies by person. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol for comfort and others unfortunately live their lives in denial of anything changing. In reality everything changes when someone that you are close to dies. Whether that person chooses to accept the loss, and healthy deal with the feelings of loss is up to them. People may try to be there and support the person who is grieving but essentially only the person knows when and how the best way to grieve and how long healthy grieving will be needed. To rush a persons grieving time is completely selfish and the worst possible thing that a caring friend could ever do. If you or someone is experiencing grief or loss of any kind i would strongly encourage you to seek the council of the Scriptures. You really would be surprised how many topics the Bible addresses and how if you earnestly seek the Lord; he will provide you with the proper guidance that you need for any situation in life. This knowledge that the Lord is always on your side throughout your many travels of life should inspire you to live everyday with the confidence and overwhelming joy to live everyday as if it were going to be your last. "But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone" ~ Matthew 24:36